Alex felt uncomfortable. Which was wrong. She should not feel uncomfortable. Yet she did. And she knew why.
Jadis was gone.
The place Alex was inside was small. Dark and tight and comforting. It was like being inside the clear thing that Jadis had given her when she left the egg. The clear thing had been comfortable. Alex felt tight and contained but could still see through to watch Jadis when she wasn’t in darkness. Many times Jadis had kept her inside darkness, which Alex liked, except that then she could not see Jadis, which Alex did not like. Being inside the place Jadis called “crate” was like that. It was dark and tight. Alex felt safe and protected inside. But she could not see Jadis, so Alex felt uncomfortable.
No.
That was not the right word.
Words.
Alex had to concentrate to think in words. Jadis thought in words. The others who worshipped Jadis thought in words. They opened their face holes and made noise and then they knew what the other was thinking. It was easy for them. It was not easy for Alex. She had to focus. Sometimes she understood. She had been watching Jadis for a long time, so she knew what some noises meant. But it was never easy.
The word Jadis would use was not uncomfortable. Uncomfortable was next to the right word. It wore the same shape and moved the same way, but it did not feel the same. The taste was different. The color was wrong. It was close, but not right.
Unhappy.
That was the word.
Alex was unhappy.
Why was Alex unhappy? The answer came easy. She could not see Jadis. She could not taste her sweetness on the air. She could not feel the vibrations she made when she moved nearby. She could not hear the noises she made, noises that Alex heard different and new and beautiful now that she had changed. Jadis was gone.
Alex hated when Jadis was gone.
No, she could not hear Jadis. But Alex could hear others. Strange noises. Movement. Words. Words that came from the others who worshipped Jadis.
The others did not want Alex near Jadis. They did not “trust” Alex. That was the right word, Alex had learned. That word meant much to Jadis. Jadis “trusted” the others and so she gave herself to them. That word meant Jadis would have sex with them. Taste and be Tasted. Comfort. Happiness.
Love.
Love was a word that felt like trust. Not the same, though. The taste was different. Stronger. Jadis trusted the powerful one with dark fur. His word was Noll. Jadis trusted Noll. But she did not love Noll. Not like she loved the others.
Jadis loved the one with long hair and tiny marks on her face. Her word was Aila. The taste and feel was love. Much, much stronger than trust. And Aila loved Jadis. Alex did not need to be told. The way her body moved. The way she changed when she looked at Jadis. The change in her taste.
Obvious.
Alex copied Aila. She copied the others as well. She moved and posed and showed her body as she had seen them do many times. She produced tastes like they did, made her body taste as they tasted. She tried to be as close to them as she could.
Failure.
Alex had tried to show Jadis that she also loved her. The way the others who worshipped her loved her. But it had not worked. She had tried to show Jadis the way she felt, but Jadis had not understood because Jadis was not the same as her. So Alex had changed her body to be more like Jadis. To show her in the same way as the others. To be as close to Jadis and the others as she could be. A new body that looked and felt and tasted and made noise just as they did.
More Failure.
Jadis knew what Alex wanted. Jadis was not stupid. No. Never stupid. Alex had watched Jadis and knew she was smart. She saw what others did not. But Jadis had rejected her. Jadis did not want Alex like she wanted Aila. Jadis did not love Alex.
Pain.
Alex writhed at the thought. Her tentacles twisted in knots as she squirmed against the hard walls of the crate. There was no one to see her pain. Jadis could not see her. But she could not help it. She moved.
The pain made Alex want to listen to the Urge.
The Urge told her that everything would be better if she took Jadis by force. She could be inside her. She could take Jadis and be inside where it was dark and tight and warm forever. The Urge told her that she could have gone inside Aila. Then Jadis would have loved her as she loved Aila. The Urge told her she could kill the others. Kill all of them. Then she would have Jadis for herself. Alone. Jadis only for Alex.
Kill them all.
Kill.
No.
No. No. No.
The Urge was wrong. The Urge was what her stupid kindred followed. They felt the Urge and did not question. So Jadis killed them.
Satisfaction.
Alex felt satisfaction when Jadis killed the cruel ones. Jadis killed the ones who followed the Urge and by killing the cruel Jadis became strong. And because Jadis grew, Alex grew. So Jadis was right to kill Alex’s kindred. The Demons. Because the Demons who followed the Urge were blind and stupid and wrong. Alex had tasted their intentions and they were horrible. Vile. Wrong.
Alex did not follow the Urge. She followed Jadis. She would always follow Jadis. She loved Jadis. But Jadis did not love her. Because Jadis loved Aila and the others who worshipped her. And Aila and the others did not trust Alex.
They were wrong.
They were also right.
Alex did feel the Urge. But Alex would never follow the Urge. But Alex’s stupid kindred all followed the Urge and tried to kill Jadis and the others. So the others did not trust Alex. They were not wrong to feel that way. Alex understood. They were not as smart as Jadis. They did not see as well. That was not their fault. Just like her, they could change. Alex would find a way to show them and they would understand and change. And when they changed, when they trusted, then Alex would be a part of the whole. She would taste them and they would taste her and Jadis would love Alex. Jadis would love Alex.
Yes.
Alex wrapped her tentacles around her body as she immersed herself in the feeling of satisfaction her plan gave to her. As she wriggled happily, she felt the vibrations of someone approaching her comfortable place. For a moment, Alex bubbled with delight that Jadis had returned to her. But sensing the weight and pace of the vibrations, she quickly recognized that it was not Jadis approaching. Alex clenched in disappointment. But she did not grow unhappy. One of the others had come.
Opportunity.
Alex opened the lid of the crate and peered out to confirm who had come near her. She already knew who it must be based on the sound and taste, but to see was best.
The watcher. Her word was Thea.
Alex felt kinship with Thea. She was not a Demon, but she was patient. She watched. She had that in common with Alex. Smart. She watched Jadis. Intelligent. She watched Jadis with love and want. Kinship.
Thea spotted her right away. Eyes watched eyes. Thea did not draw back. Her face was shaped like Jadis’ face was sometimes. Thinking. Curious.
Thea was not wearing her strong shell. She was wrapped in weak cloth, the kind Jadis wore when she was not fighting but not having sex either. Why did she not always wear the strong shell? Why did any of them wear anything other than strong shells? The cloth was weak. Pointless. It did not protect, not even as flesh would protect. They had wrapped Alex’s body in cloth. Thin and light and useless. Alex wore it because it had pleased Jadis. But alone in her crate she had discarded the pointless material. But the others had made moves and noises that told her to put the pointless cloth back on her body whenever they saw her without it.
Strange creatures.
Alex watched as Thea sat down on the steps that led up to the place where others moved. Light came down from the top, along with sounds and tastes. Alex did not recognize many of those tastes, but some she did. Some she knew came from the things that Jadis and the others put in their holes.
No. Not all their holes. One hole.
Mouths.
Thea was doing that as she watched Alex. The flesh of plants, the flesh of creatures, cut and crushed and mixed and heated so that it burned. They always did the same thing in different ways. Usually burnt things, sometimes not. But they would put them in their mouths, the same hole they used to make words. The same hole they used for sex. But unlike when they used them for sex, they would crush and chew what they put inside with their mouth bones. Every day. Many times each day, they would do the same thing.
Why?
Thea watched Alex for some time. Alex watched Thea back. They watched each other. After Thea had finished putting the burnt flesh inside of her largest face hole, she took out another piece of something that was not flesh and put that in her “mouth” as well. This time, though, this thing had a taste that was better to Alex than the other things she had seen Jadis and the others put in their mouths. The taste in the air was sweet. Like Jadis.
Jadis had tried to show Alex. She had given her the burnt meat and shown her how to put it in her new mouth. Alex had not wanted to. For Jadis, she had done so, but it had felt wrong and she had to remove it quickly. Jadis had not pushed her to do so since. But the thing Thea had looked more acceptable.
Maybe if she copied Thea and put the sweet thing in her mouth, Thea would see Alex as kindred.
Trust.
Slowly, so that she would not startle the quiet watcher, Alex reached out one of her new limbs. She did not use her tentacles. She could tell that her tentacles made the others feel discomfort and unhappiness. Except for the one called Kerr. She did not react the same way. But this was not Kerr, this was Thea. So Alex used her “arm” to reach out.
Thea stared at her.
Alex stared back.
Was it not obvious what she was trying to do? Or did Thea mean to reject her? Or was there a word that she should be using? Thea made less noise than the others, but she still responded to noises the same. So that meant Alex should use a word. But which word?
“Thea...”
Alex’s tentacles twisted in alarm as Thea stood and looked like she was going to go back up the stairs. She had upset the quiet watcher. Frightened. She had not meant to. Using Thea’s word had not been the right word. Or, perhaps she needed more than one word.
“Wait…”
That word worked to stop Thea’s retreat. Alex was not entirely sure what that word meant. But when Jadis used it, Alex stopped moving and that pleased Jadis. Alex was happy it worked when she used it as well.
“Give… Please…”
Give was a word that made some sense to Alex. Give meant that others would pass things to the one who used the word. Please was a word that made no sense at all. But Alex had watched Jadis and the others use that word many times. The results were always better when that word was used with whatever word it was paired with.
Thea hesitated, but she came closer. Slowly and cautiously, she reached out and placed the sweet thing into Alex’s waiting hand.
Success.
The “please” word worked.
Alex would have to use the “please” word more often when she asked Jadis for sex. It should help with the results.
Everything would be better once Jadis had sex with Alex. Taste and tasted. They would be together. One. Not always, but for the time while they had sex. And every time after. That would be better. That would be right. Alex knew it. She felt urges, but they were not like the Urge. They were right. Whole. Clean. Happy.
But first. Alex had to gain trust.
Slowly, to make sure she did not cause Thea to feel alarm, Alex placed the sweet thing into her mouth. It was too large for her to fit the whole thing, so she used the sharp bone things in her mouth hole to crush a piece off. Inside her mouth the crunchy material was even sweeter. The broken material rested against the small tentacle in her mouth hole which tasted the sweetness even more strongly than when it was on the air. Imitating what she had seen the others do so many times before, Alex worked her jaw in a rhythmic pattern. Soon, the crunchy stuff turned to wet paste as the fluids inside her mouth hole leaked out and mixed with the crushed bits. The texture was strange, though the taste was still sweet.
What now?
Alex almost opened her mouth to remove the paste but stopped. She had seen others remove the crushed bits from their mouths before and knew that the others had viewed the act with upset. Unappealing. Unclean. The removal she had seen had made Alex uncomfortable as well. Alex did not want Thea to feel uncomfortable. That would not help her with her goal.
Jadis and the others took the flesh that they put inside of their mouth holes inside of themselves. Strange and uncomfortable to watch. Painful. But Jadis and the others also took the seed that they ejaculated from their bodies into each other. Pleasing. Both the face hole and the lower holes between their lower limbs. The seed did not come out often. Mostly not at all.
The seed Jadis and the others made should have been for making eggs. But no eggs were ever made. Alex did not think eggs would come from the mouth hole, either. But she might be wrong. Hard to know when Jadis never made eggs. But Jadis and the others still put the seed in their holes and did so for pleasure. Happiness. Taste.
Was that the same act as putting the burnt flesh in the face hole?
No. Alex could not say they were the same. But now that she was examining the strange act from a new angle, she could see the shape and color were similar. They were close to each other. Close enough that Alex thought that maybe, if she pretended that the crushed and wet bits were from Jadis, then maybe she knew what to do.
Alex swallowed.
The crushed mess went down the tube in her body to stop inside a chamber that she could feel somewhere inside her torso. Uncomfortable. Strange. Vile. Alex could feel different parts inside of herself that she did not have before changing start to react. Liquids were excreted. Her organs moved on their own without conscious thought. The sensation was wrong. Strange. Terrible.
Alex shuddered, her whole body shaking from tentacle tip to eye at the strangeness of the experience. What possible reason could Jadis have for doing this to herself every day?
A noise startled Alex out of her thoughts. She stared at Thea, the source of the noise. A happy noise. A good noise.
“You d—didn’t like that much, d—did you?”
Alex did not know what those words meant, but the noise Thea had made had been one of happiness. The noise that Jadis made when she was pleased or amused. So crushing the sweet bits up and forcing them down into her organs had made Thea happy. The reason was unknown. But Alex was sure Jadis would find a way to explain it to her eventually. For now, Alex was pleased that her choice had worked. Thea had been made happy by her actions. That drew them closer to kinship and trust.
Alex shoved the rest of the sweet thing into her mouth.
“No, wait,” Thea said, her words ones that Alex recognized easily as a denial. “Stop. You d—don’t have to do, ah, that if you don’t like it.”
Had she been wrong to continue to imitate Thea? Why was the first act met with approval but the second act met with disapproval? She had done something wrong. But Alex did not know how. Confusing. Strange. Frustrating.
Maybe Thea did not like that Alex was taking everything that Thea had given her? But why give it all if she wanted to keep some for herself? The motivation was strange, but Thea must have wanted some of the sweet thing back. Reason unknown, but action understood.
Just as Alex was about to offer the crushed bits back, a noise louder than before began in the place above them. There was a lot of noise. Many sounds, many that Alex did not recognize. But there were sounds mixed into the commotion that Alex did recognize. Sounds that she loved.
Jadis had returned.
Alex tensed inside of her crate. She wanted to go to Jadis. But Jadis had told her to stay and would not be happy if Alex did otherwise. Frustrating. But Alex believed that Jadis would be happier if she obeyed than if she disobeyed. For now. Alex was patient. So Alex waited and watched as Thea went back up the steps to the place above.
After a short while, Thea came back down, which was good. But better than Thea, Jadis also came down from above. Happiness. Jadis’ faces changed when they saw Alex. Her faces said that she was happy. But the taste told Alex she was alarmed.
Confusion.
But Jadis was making the happy change to her face, so Alex imitated the change and made her face the same way.
Then Alex noticed that Jadis and Thea were not all who came down the steps from above. The one with red skin was there. Her word was Eir. Aila was there as well. As was the one with sharp bits on her head. Her word was Kerr. But there was also one with blue skin. Alex did not know that one’s word. And there was also one with white hair on its face around its mouth hole. Alex did not know that one’s word, either. Both were staring at Alex.
“Hello Alex,” Jadis made noises of greeting from one of her faces. “Can you say hello to Magistrate Vraekae and High Priest Gerhardt?”
Alex paid close attention to the two Jadis had brought with her, memorizing their words. Alex could tell that Jadis wanted her to greet the two new people. Easy. Happy. Alex used her four new limbs and several of her tentacles to wave at Magistrate Vraekae and High Priest Gerhardt. But Alex knew that was not enough. She had to make noise greetings back as well. So Alex opened her mouth to do so.
Crushed bits of wet sweet thing fell out of her mouth hole, making a mess across her chest and onto the floor.
Alex had forgotten to swallow.
Uncomfortable.
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